Is Death What I want?

Autum comes...

& Autumn goes...

The dead leaves on the ground

sing songs of death for me...

Aah!!D lullaby of death..

I sway to the sound...

the intoxication of inevitable death

moves me, promises me freedom

that hitherto I only dreamed of..

D promise of winter upon me...

makes me shiver down to the spine...

The bare trees...

The skeletal forms shrieking in the cold

with pain & fury I do not understand...

But the white of winter...

the vanquished & tired sun...

promises me of peace beyond

Peace that every man in the world

wages war to win it...

Ironic isn't it?

We fight for peace...

We live for peace when death gives ultimate peace...

We cling when letting go gives us a chance...

But then I hear a single strand of sound...

I am dazzled by a single shaft of light

I see a single leaf on the highest of branches..

Aahh!! Am I that selfish...

that beauty reminded

moves me so much...

enthralls me...

Ohh!! Am I so shallow...

that I forget the promises of peace

I forget the whiff of freedom

for your beauty reminded me of life

so full of pain

yet so intoxicating

that I yearn for it...

Where did you come from...

MY LOVE...

Aahh...The single flower on your hair...

Reminds me all chaos of my life...

The death of that one flower

The peace that it feels...

Tell me my love...

How do I tell you...

How do I make you understand...

That I a man who yearns for peace...

I a man for whom love is a chaotic emotion...

Have nothing...

but bared his soul...

Aahh!!! The beauty flashes past by me...

& Madness afflicts me...

The madness & the rush...

that you inflict upon me...

consumes the ice of my heart by a blazing inferno...

I stand on the cusp...

of a change...

that gives me two choices...

A chance to ultimate peace..

My Death....

Or a chance to such chaos...

that shall rip me asunder...

A chance to have you...

Ohh!! This selfish selfish heart of mine...

I forget those promises of peace...

MY Love tell me now...

will death hurt me more...

OR YOU....

For...the poor heart of mine...

shall never comprehend the power of beauty...

the power to inflict such pain...

such chaos...

that I shall never live again...

But my love...

that shall be my peace...

& that shall be my salvation...

For My Love...

Again...it happens...

I fall for someone who........................

Ahh...The ramblings of an empty mind...

But the question...will she ever love me....

Winter...Come to Me...

The pelting of the raindrops...

on the dried parched & thirsty earth

Reminds me of the beauty lost...

& the beauty gained

Ohh!!! I miss...the sweat

I miss the heat

I miss the thirst....

What pessimism envelopes me...

I of all...miss the beauty of summers...

That blazing sun...

beating harshly on a poor beaten down path

that stifling heat

driving every inch of you to sheer madness

Ohh!!! I miss the summers

Do I miss desolateness

Do I miss the lonely roads

CRYING out for companionship

Ohh!!! I miss the smell of afternoon nap...

I miss the beauty of night breeze...

That is my beauty lost...

 That is my beauty lost...

But Ohh!!! Don't despair...

I do have my beauty gained...

I do have my beauty gained...

The sheer magnitude of the sight of...

tears of clouds pounding upon

dried parched skin of earth

Moves me into a life of chaos...

Ohh!!! The paradox of finding

Silence in Chaos...

Happiness in tears

Beauty in puddles...

Ohh!!! I see a calm summer night

turn into a fiery torrential pouring...

But do I find calmess in both?

Do  I love both?

Do I crave for one?

& wish for the other to walk away?

My love....

This is what I've turned into...

A summer prince...

drenched in a monsoon night...

Aahh!!! The pain of change...

The confusion of calmness

and the silence of chaos...

Makes me wish for a summer breeze of nights...

& yet I wish for those raindrops to hide my tears...

Walk away my dear...

Walk away from me...

For my next season will be...

An Autumn...

But the only life I wish for you...

Is the Spring of my life...

For now the chill of Winter...

Is what I wish for...

for my heart reminds me...

It is nothing more than that Without YOU....

What Do I name this???

Ohhh!!!! dear!!! What fire of jealousy rages on....

Ohh...!!! I am consumed by the

mere whims & fancies of Satan

Colorful flames of lovely hate dance around me....

Despair dazzles me...

& a tiny leaf on the wooden oak

breaks my concentration....

Woe me!!! Cast me down the depths of hell...

for an emotion as pure as a smile...

burns me into cinders...

I feel like a charred wood...

sitting in the altars of Goddess of Beauty...

Do I live to hate?

Or Do I live to be jealous?

What do I live for?

Why does a smile on my love's face

jar me in my heart always...

Is it because that...that smile...

would have been mine...

Or is it that twinkling of an eye...

that I would have killled to see in her eyes for me...

Why do I grudge her?

Why do I want to be the only one?

What do you call this?

Do you call me a monster?

Or a loathsome creature...?

Or do you call this my love...

Ohh!!! Where have that romantic ideas of love gone...

Where has my fair damsel hid her?

Ahh!! Smile my love...

For a heart as black as mine...

expects nothing but radiance of your smile...

& the stabs in my heart...

Ohh!!!

I'll bear them as thorns on my crown....